It is so wild how we slip into old thinking patterns or fall into the same pit of worries that we do. Even if we know we have a savior we can call on at anytime or a supportive family or group of friends. The world can so easily condition us into thinking that we are alone and need to feel fear or shame for who we are.
Even though I recently have recommitted my life to following Christ and I feel a great calling to ministry (in all of it’s forms, particularly congregation work, counseling and program development for the underserved and vulnerable) – I still have been slow to share with a lot of folks in my life about this calling and this path.
Fear is so powerful… especially after seeing how the world thinks about women and seeing what the world thinks about those who are fierce allies for the LGBTQ+ community. I have gotten so used to this dual life because of the fear and internalized homophobia that I have lived with for so long. I allowed what others thought about who I was to lead me to think that God didn’t have a place for me. I thought my existence was deeply flawed. This kept me from allowing myself to feel God’s love and to know that God does have a place for me.
“Do not be shaped by this world. Instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what God wants for you. And you will be able to know what is good and pleasing to God and what is perfect.” Romans 12:2
So, over Christmas holiday, I told my mom that it was divinity school that I was applying to. I was so worried with how she would reply, I let my fear kept me from sharing this amazing & joyous thing with one of the most incredible and supportive people in my life. My mom’s reaction was, of course, so kind and supportive. I acknowledge how fortunate I am to have an amazing family who has always had my back and given me so much support and love. I know there are so many out there who do not have this support and compassion in their lives. I hope through this site you feel affirmed and eventually find the appreciation and love that you deserve.
To those who may stumble across this blog and have felt these same experiences I have described. If the world has ever made you feel worthless, never let the world make you doubt your value or your worth. God has a place for you regardless of what this world thinks of you. You are loved and you have a purpose.
“Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine.” Isaiah 43:1